Between Responsibility and Self-Discovery

Someone recently asked me if it wasn't incredibly exciting the first time I walked into the bank in a dress. After a moment of reflection and looking back, I could clearly say no. I don't want to romanticize it at all – of course, it was unusual, and I was a little nervous. But it wasn't even remotely comparable to previous situations, like my first trips to Frankfurt. No palpitations, no overwhelming nervousness – simply a new, unfamiliar feeling, showing myself like that in a professional environment.

Questions like these inevitably make me reflect on the past months and years. On the one hand, on my personal development and how I was able to remain so calm. On the other, on my role as a department head. My journey to becoming the self I am today consisted of many small steps. Apart from the first two trips – which were more like leaps – I found my way without any abrupt changes. A little in my clothing, a touch more makeup. First steps in Neu-Isenburg, then expanding my radius to Frankfurt. Coming out to close friends, family, and colleagues I trusted. I continually pushed the boundaries a little further – until they finally settled in my favor.

But what does that mean for a manager? Managers should be authentic – but how can you achieve that when you're simultaneously on such a personal journey of self-discovery? How are you perceived by your own employees? After all, you bear responsibility: for the cause, for the people on the team – and, last but not least, for yourself. This is precisely the great challenge when going through a transformation like mine. Authenticity means no longer wearing a mask. But what if you've hidden behind a mask for decades? For me, being authentic doesn't mean revealing everything overnight, but rather getting closer to yourself step by step – and courageously continuing on this path.

I know it hasn't always been easy for my employees either. I'm all the more grateful that they accompanied me with so much openness, warmth, and support. I experienced an incredible amount of acceptance – and also received a great deal of unexpected, deeply positive feedback that gave me strength and confidence.

My job as a manager is to create spaces for my employees to grow and develop. And in return, they gave me exactly that space – so that I, too, could develop as a woman and department head.

Leadership is a two-way street. It thrives on trust, mutual appreciation, and empowering one another. I provide guidance, support, and backing – and receive all of this in return from my team.

Your grateful,

Nicole