Hate and Malice

I know I should just ignore it. But since my post "100 Days – A Little Retrospective," there have been so many nasty things that I just have to get them off my chest.

What came was a wide spectrum – from simple digs to outright hatred. From vomiting emojis to comments questioning my personality, to two statements that hit rock bottom:

"My grandpa could have shot you without any consequences."

"People like you should be gassed."

Even seemingly positive comments often end negatively. Like, "You can live however you want, but leave us/me alone." And even supposed "expressions of opinion" often come across as deliberate attempts to hurt me.

I wonder if these people also walk down the street and tell everyone to their face that they think they're shit. I sometimes have my own thoughts too – but I keep them to myself. Who am I to impose my ideas of "right" or "beautiful" on others? Why do people feel the need to tell me I'm ugly?

It affects all social classes and age groups: old white men (to use that overused term), young men, and yes – many cis women, too. Often, the profiles clearly reveal their political leanings. The colors white, blue, and red are ever-present. I can't recall ever seeing a blue-yellow profile picture among the insults.

And then there's this sentence: "You can live however you want, but leave us alone about it." What does that even mean? That I shouldn't post publicly? I don't force myself on any of them. I don't write to any of these people directly, I don't spam their inboxes. I simply share my life – as it is. So, do I have to hide just so others aren't bothered by my existence?

People keep writing to me saying that my journey has given them courage. That they've lost a little bit of their fear. Should I give that up just so I don't bother others? Where does that end? Am I not even allowed to go out anymore because I'm "allowed to be whoever I want," but I'm supposed to please leave "the others" alone?

I suspect this will be read by the very people who don't need it at all.

And to all of you: Sorry for "unnecessarily bothering" you with this.

Next time it will definitely be a bit more positive.

But I just had to get this off my chest today.

Yours, Nicole