Surprised by myself

I've written so many times that I couldn't have imagined something, and even more often I've just thought about it to myself. So many things have happened in the meantime, so much I've achieved and experienced that surprised me, or at least amazed me, and that I would never have dared to dream of.

I've also written about the merging of personalities. Yes, the two from whom I came were very different in many ways, but also very similar in some. Shyness is definitely something they were both absolutely similar in. Moving around in groups of people I don't know, speaking or presenting in front of larger groups – an absolute horror for me. Yes, I'm sure there are many who are surprised because I've only spoken about it with a very few close friends or they know me well enough to know. I know that I was often accused of arrogance in the past, but it was simply my protective shield that may have worked that way.

But yesterday I was very surprised by myself – much more than by all the developments I've made in the last few years: I was allowed to host a professional event with around 70 guests. In this context, even the word "I was allowed" sounds completely crazy to me. But it really was like that. Of course, I was tense, even a little nervous, but that was solely due to the question of whether everything would work out as imagined and planned. Okay, we've already discussed Nicole in larger groups of people, and it's steadily improved.

But standing in front of this large group, greeting them on behalf of my employer, and not feeling like I wanted to hide in some kind of hole was completely new to me. I moved through the event, whether during the breaks or organizing something here and there during the presentations, without feeling uncomfortable. Whether I really handled it confidently and well is for others to judge.

For me, it was incredible because I knew my "twin brother" would never have been able to do it. Instead, I stood in front of this group as the hostess, wearing a dress and heels, and I felt completely at ease—as if I'd never done anything else.

That my environment would surprise me, the way my life unfolded—okay. I hadn't imagined that my personality could surprise me so much. And yes, I'm proud of myself, too, and I think I can be with a clear conscience after yesterday!

Your  amazed

Nicole