Visibility

I often perceive the word visibility in a context that concerns me, which led me to think about and write about what visibility means to me.

For me, there is no such thing as THE visibility and THE impact or perception of that visibility. Perception changes over time or the question of who you are visible to.

As a teenager, visibility meant one thing above all: being caught. If I had been visible, it would have meant that my parents, grandparents, or others would have discovered me. This idea triggered one thing above all back then – and for decades to come –: fear. Yes, it was often a bit exciting. But visibility didn't just mean threat from others. There was also a quiet, valuable dimension: visibility for myself. Visibility also meant that I could see myself. It meant that I saw in the mirror that I existed in reality and wasn't just a fantasy. I could look at myself in photos; I could be myself. This visibility was good for me even back then.

The reasons why I made myself visible were also different. There was the urge for freedom, as happened in Basel. There was an attempt to no longer be able to hide, as I had in the beginning on the internet. There were the first uncertain steps of self-employment, and now there is a completely natural and confident visibility.

As time went on, the fear gradually subsided from 2017 onwards, but the stress remained. Excitement and tension remained. At least regarding visibility for others. Visibility for myself was what gave me courage – and enabled me to take the next step.

What is visibility for me now? There are no intentions as to why I make myself visible; I am visible because I exist. But of course, there are differences in how I do it. Sometimes it's jeans and sneakers, sometimes a skirt, pumps, and a delicate lace top – depending on how I feel, how I want to appear. There is still a difference between visibility for others and visibility for myself. Seeing myself is simply acceptance of myself. Visibility for others – sometimes confirmation, sometimes a frown. But above all, it has become one thing: a matter of course.

I'm visible because I'm here—not because I have to justify myself. My thoughts, my feelings.

All the best,

Your Nicole